Do Women Actually Get Approached?

Yes, but how often depends heavily on where she is. A woman on dating apps, or out in the evening, often hears from many men. A woman walking to work at noon is usually approached less, and seldom well. For you, the practical answer is the same either way: men still start most conversations, so if you want dates, start them, including the swiping and messaging with your matches.

The question hides several different situations.

• Nightlife. In bars and clubs, attractive women are often approached again and again, and not always well. Many of them have a ready reaction to a man walking up.
• Dating apps. Women who use them can receive a lot of messages, and many are bland. The same crowding exists, just on a screen.
• Daytime. Coffee shops, bookstores, gyms, parks and streets are quieter. Fewer men try, because it takes nerve, so a calm approach is less common and often more welcome.

So some women are approached constantly and some rarely, and the difference is mostly about setting. It tells you where a good approach stands out.

Where women are approached a lot, you compete with many men doing the same thing. Your edge is doing it better: less pressure, more personality, no obvious script. Where women are approached rarely, you have little competition, and the same calm, friendly approach lands as a pleasant surprise.

Neither case is an argument for waiting. Waiting to be approached works only for a few men, and being passive makes you hard to notice. In most settings the usual move is still the man's.

Yes, with manners. Most women are fine being approached by a man who is polite, short, and ready to leave if she is not interested. What turns women off is not the approach. It is pressure, persistence after a no, and lines that sound rehearsed.

a dating coach puts it this way: assume it will go well. If you go timidly, expecting to fail, you probably will. If you go in with a normal, friendly voice, you often get a good result even if you say something imperfect.

a dating coach lays out three situations for stopping a woman in daytime, and each depends on where you see her.

1. From the front. Keep a good distance so she has time to see you and is not startled. Use your voice and assume it is going to happen.
2. From behind. Tap her on the shoulder from about arm's length, then step back a little so she is not in your face when she turns around. Plant your feet. You want her to stop, and you look like you are stopping too.
3. Walking with her. If she is moving fast or seems hard to stop, match her angle and her pace, and say something with a bit of personality to get your foot in the door.

The open itself only needs to start the conversation. You are not trying to be amazing in the first sentence. You are trying to create a normal way in.

a dating coach recommends being as direct as you think you can get away with. If she seems friendly, tell her she caught your eye and that you wanted to say hello. If she seems more reserved, add a little personality first.

Be short, be warm, and be ready to leave. A man who can be turned down gracefully has nothing to fear.

Within the first thirty seconds, you can tell what to do next.

• She smiles, stays, or asks you something. Continue.
• She is polite but flat. Keep it brief and wrap up.
• She says she has to go or is not interested. Say "no problem, have a good day" and walk on.

The way you handle the second and third cases matters more than the opener. It shows her you are a man who takes a no calmly, and it keeps you comfortable doing it again tomorrow.

You can make yourself approachable with open body language, a relaxed face, and by being in places where talking is normal. It helps. It does not replace opening a conversation yourself, because many women will give you a smile but will not walk across a room.

Do both. Be easy to approach, and be willing to go first.