Book Excerpts: Bad Dates You'll Want to Avoid

You meet at a small bar. She orders a drink, puts her phone face down, and starts talking about work. You ask about her job. She speaks for ten minutes.

You ask what she does after work. She talks for another ten minutes.

You mention a trip you took. She waits until you finish, then turns the topic back to her boss.

You keep asking questions because you think a good date means keeping the talk alive. By the end of the night, you know her full work history, the names of two friends, and the reason she hates her landlord. She knows almost nothing about you.

This date feels tiring because you’re doing all the work. You ask. She answers. You listen. Then you ask again.

Watch what happens after you share something. Does she ask one question about you? Does she build on what you said? Or does she wait for you to stop so she can speak again?

You can test this early. Say, “I spent most of my free time cooking lately. I’m trying to make a good curry.”

Then stop talking.

If she asks what kind, she’s showing some interest. If she says, “I could never cook,” and launches into another story about herself, you have useful information.

You don’t need to judge her. You also don’t need to sit through two hours while she uses you as a chair with ears.

You meet outside a restaurant. She arrives ten minutes late and looks upset.

Her first words are, “You won’t believe what happened.”

You listen while she tells you about traffic, her boss, her sister, and a rude man in a coffee shop. You haven’t even reached the table, and you already feel like her problem-solving service.

People have bad days. One rough start does not make a woman a bad person. The issue is what she does after she tells you about it.

A healthy woman can say, “Work was rough today, but I’m glad to be here.” She can take a breath, smile, and join the evening.

A hard date feels different. Every topic leads back to anger. The waiter gets blamed for the menu. The restaurant is too loud. The table is too small. You pick the wrong drink. When you make a light joke, she says, “You’re not taking me seriously.”

You spend the night trying to keep her calm.

Don’t take that job. You met her to see if you like each other. You didn’t agree to carry her bad mood through dinner.

You can say, “You’ve had a rough day. Do you want to call it and head home?”

Her answer tells you a lot. If she takes responsibility and resets, you can keep talking. If she attacks you for asking, leave with your time intact.

You make a joke about your taste in music. She says, “That’s a terrible choice.”

You tell her you don’t like crowded clubs. She says, “So you’re boring?”

You choose a table. She says, “I expected you to have better ideas.”

A woman may give you a hard time to see if you can stay calm. You don’t need to defend every choice. You also don’t need to accept rude behavior.

The weak answer is a long defense.

“I’m not boring. I go out all the time. I just prefer smaller places because I have a busy life and I’ve been to lots of clubs before.”

Now you’re standing in a restaurant, giving a speech to prove your value.

A better answer is short.

“Boring would be ordering the same drink and talking about work all night.”

Then smile and change the subject.

You can also say, “You’re giving me a lot of homework for a first drink.”

This keeps your self-respect without starting a fight.

Pay attention to how she reacts. If she laughs, the moment passes. If she keeps insulting you, corrects every word, or tries to make you earn basic respect, end the date.

Confidence does not mean letting someone treat you badly. It means you don’t beg her to approve of you.

You sit across from her. Her phone lights up.

She reads the message.

She types a reply.

She checks another app.

You ask her a question. She says, “Sorry, what?”

This happens again five minutes later.

A quick check can happen. People may have family issues or work problems. But if she keeps looking at her screen while you speak, she’s showing you where her attention is.

Don’t compete with a phone. You’ll lose, and you’ll look small trying.

Say, “You seem busy. We can stop here if you need to handle something.”

Then stay quiet.

If she puts the phone away and joins the talk, you have your answer. If she keeps checking it, stand up and leave.

You can say, “I’m going to head out. Take care.”

No speech is needed. No angry message is needed later. Her actions already gave you enough information.

Some women ask for a date when they need something.

She wants you to drive her across town. She needs help moving a table. She asks you to pay for an expensive meal after saying she left her wallet at home. She talks about a former partner for the whole night, then asks if you can help her get a job.

One request does not prove bad intent. Look at the full scene.

Does she show interest in your life? Does she make time for you when she needs nothing? Does she offer to pay her share? Does she keep contact after you say no to a favor?

A guy I coached once met a woman for drinks. She spent the first hour talking about her former partner. Near the end, she asked him to review a long work document before their next meet-up. He agreed because he wanted to see her again. She sent the document, then stopped replying to his messages.

He had treated the date like the start of a bond. She had treated it like free help.

Give help when you truly want to give it. Don’t use favors to buy interest.

A good date leaves you curious about her. A bad one leaves you checking the clock and making excuses for what you saw. Listen to the clock.