How to Start a Conversation With a Woman by Asking Her Opinion or a Small Favor

Ask her something small that she can answer in a few seconds and that fits the place you're both standing in. That can be her opinion on something in front of you ("I'm new here. What would you order?") or a favor that costs her almost nothing ("Do you know what time this place closes?"). Then thank her, tell her your name and add one comment of your own so the question turns into a conversation.

A weak opener is vague: "What's up?" "Having fun?" "So, what do you do?" Those put all the work on her. An opinion or a favor gives her something specific to answer, and your job is to make replying easier than ignoring you.

The opener doesn't need to be clever. etiQit's list of conversation starters says asking for an opinion "truly never fails" because everyone has one.

Ask for her view on something you can both see or taste. Kinrys gives two examples from her opinion opener:

• In a coffee shop: "I'm new to this coffee shop. What are your recommendations on what I should order?"
• In a clothing store: "Can I get your honest opinion? Would this look weird on me?"

She also says to ask for advice before opinion, introduce yourself after she starts talking, and then move to a different topic.

Other examples that work in the same way:

• "What's the best thing to eat here? Should I go for the burger or the wings?" (etiQit)
• "My playlist is totally tired. What are you listening to?" (etiQit)
• "Are you here because the food is good, or because you like people-watching?"
• "Quick vote. Best drink here, or worst? I'm trying to see if the menu is lying to us."

The last two are choice questions. They give her two easy options, so she can answer without thinking hard. Use them when she seems guarded, tired or busy.

Keep the opinion low stakes. etiQit says to avoid politics, religion and gossip.

Ask for something small. The point is that it's easy to say yes to and gives you a reason to start talking.

• "Do you know what time third period ends?" or "Could you please reach the top shelf for me?" (etiQit's examples for asking for help)
• "Hey, excuse me. Do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?" (Kinrys's disarming question)
• "Quick question. Do you know if this table is open?"

Salary.com's article on starting conversations says the key is making it a small ask. SoSuave's version is a bar opener, "Excuse me, but would you mind handing me a napkin over there?", and says to keep favors small and simple.

One thing to skip from that last page. It suggests the napkin hand-off as a way to touch her and make her feel slightly obligated to you. Don't treat the favor as a trick. It's a plain reason to say hello.

Kinrys says the follow-up is what makes the disarming question work. Don't say thanks and walk away, and don't expect her to carry the conversation.

Here's a full example of the opener turning into a conversation:

You: "This place is packed for a Tuesday. Did you end up here by choice?" Her: "Not really, my friend dragged me." You: "That's the most honest answer in the room. I'm Sam, by the way."

A second one, using Kinrys's bridge after a favor:

You: "Hey, excuse me. Do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?" Her: "Yeah, just around the corner." You: "Thanks, where are you from by the way?"

From there, follow her lead. If she gives a short answer, don't fire off five questions. Add one small comment, then let the conversation breathe.

• She's busy at work: keep it short and clean. "Quick question. Do you know if this table is open?" Salary.com suggests stating how long it will take: "Do you have 30 seconds for a quick question?"
• She's relaxed and the setting gives you material: ask her opinion on it, like the menu, the music or the line.
• She seems open and chatty: a choice question keeps it moving. "Okay, important question: are you a dog person, cat person, or criminally undecided?"

The more uncertain the situation, the simpler your opener should be.

• Too broad. "Hey, how are you?" isn't bad, but it makes her invent the conversation.
• Too intense. "What's your greatest fear?" is a stress test, not an opener.
• Too polished. If it sounds rehearsed, it feels rehearsed. Say it the way a normal person would after noticing something obvious.
• Wrong moment. If she's rushing to a train, has headphones on and is absorbed in something, or is clearly in the middle of a task, leave her alone and pick another moment.

Answer once, politely, and move on: "No worries. Thanks." Don't ask a second favor to keep her talking, and don't turn her short answer into a challenge. She answered your question. That was the whole request.

A good opener doesn't make you interesting. It gives her an easy way in, and then you do the rest by listening and adding something of your own.