Why contempt makes dating worse
If you think this phrase is just a joke, you’re probably already dating from a bad place. The real problem is not that women are “bad” or “stupid” — it’s that a lot of men use contempt to cover up confusion, hurt, and insecurity.
What Men Usually Mean When They Say This
When a man describes women with contempt, he’s often reacting to one of three things: she slept with someone else, she ignored him for a guy he thinks is worse, or she didn’t reward the “nice” behavior he thought should earn him sex. None of those mean women are broken. They mean he feels rejected and wants a simpler story.
The “awful taste in men” part usually comes from watching women choose men who seem rude, flaky, or emotionally unavailable while overlooking guys who seem stable and decent. That stings. But attraction is not a grade-school merit system.
A woman does not pick the “best man” by some objective scoreboard. She picks the man who makes her feel something she values: excitement, chemistry, status, safety, humor, confidence, challenge, or sometimes just familiarity. That can lead to bad choices. It can also lead to very normal choices that look irrational from the outside.
If you keep telling yourself women are just bad at choosing, you don’t have to ask a harder question: what am I doing that makes me less compelling than the guy I resent?
Stop Confusing Morality With Attraction
This is where a lot of men get trapped. They think if a woman is a good person, she should be drawn to a good man. That’s not how desire works.
A woman can be kind, intelligent, and principled, and still be turned on by a guy who is a disaster in 17 creative ways. Why? Because attraction is emotional before it is rational. If a guy gives off confidence, unpredictability, social proof, or strong sexual energy, it can override her better judgment.
Example: the dependable guy who texts back instantly, plans everything, and never creates tension may be safe. The guy who teases her, has a full life, and doesn’t act like her approval is oxygen may be more attractive. That doesn’t mean she “likes assholes.” It means she responds to energy, not just ethics.
The same thing happens in reverse. Plenty of men ignore the woman who is genuinely kind and interested because they are chasing the one who is hard to get, polished, or a little chaotic. Human beings are not always selection machines. Sometimes we are just stimulus addicts with a LinkedIn profile.
If you want better results, stop asking, “Why doesn’t she like the good guy?” Ask, “What does she experience when she’s around me?”
If You’re Bitter, Your Behavior Already Looks Cheap
Contempt leaks out. Women notice it fast, even when you think you’re being subtle.
A bitter man tends to do one of two things: he becomes overly agreeable in the hope of being chosen, or he becomes snide and defensive to protect his ego. Both are unattractive. One smells like neediness. The other smells like spite.
Example: if you hear about a woman’s dating history and immediately start with “of course, women only want bad boys,” she now knows you’re not safe, not curious, and probably not very fun. Or if you go on a date and keep testing her with sarcastic digs, she’s not thinking, “Wow, he’s confident.” She’s thinking, “This guy is mad at women.”
The fix is boring but effective: clean up your internal narrative. You do not need to worship women, and you definitely do not need to hate them. You need to see them as people with preferences, blind spots, and their own baggage.
Use plain language in your head:
- “She chose badly” instead of “women are broken.”
- “I’m not her type” instead of “she has awful taste.”
- “I’m frustrated” instead of “women are the problem.”
That shift matters because it changes your behavior. Men who stay grounded ask better questions, date better, and recover faster from rejection.
Become More Attractive Instead of More Cynical
If women keep choosing men you think are worse than you, maybe the missing piece isn’t their judgment. Maybe it’s your presentation.
A lot of men assume “good guy” should be enough. It isn’t. You still need to look good, sound good, and create a real emotional effect. Clean up the basics first: fitness, clothes, grooming, posture, voice, and a life that doesn’t look like you’re waiting for someone to save you from your own calendar.
Two examples:
- A man who is well-dressed, socially fluent, and has actual plans tends to be more attractive than a man who is kind but flat, even if both have similar morals.
- A man who can flirt lightly, hold eye contact, and make a woman feel tension and ease in the same conversation usually does better than the guy who interviews her like he’s applying for a mortgage.
This is not about becoming fake. It’s about being complete. Many “nice guys” are not actually nice; they’re passive, approval-seeking, and low-energy. That is not virtue. That is fear wearing a polite shirt.
Work on the parts of you that create desire:
- physical standards
- social confidence
- decisive behavior
- interesting interests
- a calm, masculine presence
If you don’t offer much, you’ll spend a lot of time judging the women who passed.
Know When She’s the Problem — and When You’re Just Angry
Yes, some women do have terrible taste in men. Some are drawn to chaos, chase unavailable guys, or repeat the same bad habit because it feels familiar. That is real.
But here’s the important part: her habit is not your assignment unless she chooses you. You do not need to rescue her, diagnose her, or audition for the role of “man who finally fixes her life.” That fantasy keeps a lot of men stuck for years.
Look for the difference between a woman with a messy history and a woman with no standards at all. One may be learning. The other may be a repeat customer at the emotional disaster store.
You should walk away if you see:
- constant drama with exes
- no accountability for her choices
- hot-and-cold attention as a lifestyle
- a need to be rescued, entertained, or managed
But don’t confuse “she picks badly” with “she owes me a chance.” No one owes you attraction because you’re more stable than her last mistake. Stability is attractive only when it is paired with strength, self-respect, and some actual spark.
A healthy man does not compete by whining that the market is unfair. He competes by becoming a better option and then leaving bad matches alone.
The phrase is ugly because the mindset is ugly. If you want better women, become the kind of man women don’t have to apologize for wanting.