Brutally Honest Dating Advice for Men... How to Date 9s and 10s

A lot of men lose before they even say hello because they put “9s and 10s” on a pedestal. That energy leaks out fast. She can feel when you’re auditioning for her approval instead of talking to her like a normal human being.

Here’s the shift: she’s not a prize you win. She’s a person deciding whether she enjoys being around you.

That means no overexplaining, no nervous comedy routine, no trying to impress her with your résumé in the first five minutes. If she says she works in fashion, don’t act like you just got a tour of the Vatican. Say something simple and grounded like, “That sounds fun. What part of it do you actually like?” Now you’re having a conversation, not worshiping at the altar of her cheekbones.

Example: Bad: “Wow, you’re honestly the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.” Better: “You seem cool. What’s your ideal Friday night?”

The second version is calm. Calm is attractive. Desperate is not.

No, you do not need movie-star genetics. But you do need to be the best version of your face and body that you can realistically build. High-attractiveness women have options. If you want to compete, you need to show up well.

That means:

• Get lean enough that your clothes fit well
• Wear clothes that fit your frame, not your fantasy
• Fix your haircut and facial hair
• Have basic grooming handled: skin, teeth, clean nails, good breath

This is not shallow. It’s reality. Attraction starts visually, and women are not blind to effort. A man who takes care of himself sends a signal: “I’m disciplined, I respect myself, and I pay attention.”

Example: A guy in a crisp fitted tee, clean shoes, and a simple haircut will usually beat a guy with a “hot personality” and three-day stubble he thinks is “rugged.” The second guy is usually just under-maintained.

And no, you don’t need to look rich. You need to look intentional.

One of the fastest ways to get ignored by attractive women is to have nothing going on except wanting one of them. If your whole personality is “dating apps and gym selfies,” she will smell that from across the room.

You need a real life. Not a fake one for Instagram. A real one that gives you stories, opinions, and momentum.

That means doing things that make you more than a consumer:

• Train for something
• Build a skill
• Have friends you actually see
• Go to events where women are present naturally
• Read, travel, cook, create, learn — anything that gives you substance

You don’t need to be extraordinary. You do need to have something to talk about besides work and the weather.

Example: Instead of saying, “I just work a lot,” say, “I’ve been getting into cooking because I got tired of eating like a raccoon with a debit card.” That’s human. That’s memorable. That gives her something to respond to.

Attractive women are not just looking for good looks. They want a man who has a life that feels forward-moving. Someone who is already in motion.

A lot of guys think confidence means talking over people, negging, or acting like nothing matters. That’s not confidence. That’s a costume worn by insecure men.

Real confidence is simple: you can handle uncertainty without falling apart.

If she takes a few hours to text back, you do not spiral. If she turns down a date, you don’t send a paragraph about how rare “real connection” is. If she’s interested, great. If not, you keep your dignity and move on.

This matters because women read emotional stability as safety. A man who is calm, clear, and not easily thrown off feels better to be around than a man who is constantly trying to force an outcome.

Example: Texting her: Bad: “Heyyy just checking if you got my message haha no worries if you’re busy :)” Better: “You seem fun. Let’s grab drinks Thursday.”

If she says no, don’t bargain. Don’t audition. Say, “No worries, maybe another time,” and actually mean it.

That’s confidence: not needing every interaction to become a victory.

Flirting is not memorized lines. It’s playful, grounded tension. The point is to show interest without making the interaction heavy.

The best flirting is light and specific. Notice something, make a clean comment, move on. Don’t monologue. Don’t turn it into a job interview. Don’t make her carry the whole conversation.

Example: If she mentions she “barely cooks,” you can say, “That’s dangerous. I like a woman with at least one meal she can pretend is a signature dish.” Smile. Let her respond. If she teases you about your coffee order, fire back lightly: “It’s a refined palate. You wouldn’t understand.”

The key is that you’re relaxed. You’re not performing to earn points. You’re creating a vibe.

And here’s the brutal part: if you can’t flirt without becoming creepy, needy, or performative, you’re probably moving too fast emotionally. Fix that first.

Women who are highly attractive do not want to feel like your entire romantic future depends on them. That pressure kills chemistry fast.

When you date, act like you have standards too. Pick good venues. Make plans confidently. Lead the interaction without dominating it. Be interested, but not obsessed.

That means:

• Ask her out clearly
• Choose a place and time
• Show up on time
• Be engaged, not interview-y
• Don’t drag the date on forever if the vibe is dead

Example: “Let’s get a drink at 7 on Friday” is better than “What do you want to do sometime?” Specificity is attractive because it shows initiative.

Also, don’t overinvest after one good date. A lot of men think, “She’s a 9, so I have to constantly prove myself.” Wrong. If the connection is good, let it grow. If it isn’t, move on. High-value behavior is not chasing. It’s selecting.

And if you’re wondering whether you’re “good enough” for very attractive women, ask a better question: are you someone they’d want to spend time with, again and again, after the novelty wears off?

That’s the real test.

Neediness kills attraction faster than bad jokes and cheap cologne combined.

Neediness looks like:

• Double texting after she already went cold
• Needing constant reassurance
• Getting jealous too early
• Acting like every pause in conversation is a disaster
• Trying to “lock her down” before she’s earned your trust

Attractive women are used to attention. What stands out is a man who is warm, self-respecting, and not trying to extract validation from every interaction.

If you want women like that to want you, be the kind of man whose life would still be solid if she disappeared tomorrow. That doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means your emotional balance doesn’t depend on one person’s phone screen.

A lot of men think dating 9s and 10s is about secret tactics. It’s not. It’s about becoming harder to ignore and easier to be around.

The men who date the women most guys call “out of their league” usually aren’t magical. They’re just sharper, cleaner, calmer, and less thirsty than everybody else.